


i'm not a perfect person, but for you i'll do my best

by kiinghobii



Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, IM STRUGGLING, M/M, OMFG IDK WHAT TO TAG, changkyun is a great friend, self blame, slight mention of minor death character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 15:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiinghobii/pseuds/kiinghobii
Summary: Yoongi breaks up with Kihyun out of the blue, and it shocks the young man because he thought he and Yoongi were a great pair. He begins to blame himself, thinking if maybe he's the problem until he reaches out to Yoongi and finds the truth.





	i'm not a perfect person, but for you i'll do my best

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo i took a while trying to write this fic because it was supposed to be or sound like some soulmate!au and i think i messed it all up. i finished this fic at 3AM finally after some years hahahah i wanted it perfect but it came out BLAH. i'm so sad because it's loosely based off of my relationship with my boyfriend. BUT i hope you all still enjoy this :"))

Kihyun begins to rub at his eyes soon after pulling his hand away from Yoongi’s hold. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Yoongi in the eyes when the man had just broken up with him. The relationship didn’t last too long, and Kihyun didn’t understand. Why was it brought up so suddenly? Was he not good enough or had he done something wrong to trigger Yoongi?

As much as he wanted to question the man, he couldn’t bring himself to vocally ask him anything. It was hard to swallow as much as it was hard to speak. Kihyun didn’t feel too good. 

“I’m sorry again, Kihyun.” How dare Yoongi apologize? He can’t believe how comfortable they had gotten too to receive a heartbreak that shouldn’t be worth of such pain. Kihyun is beginning to hate it.

“It’s fine,” Kihyun mutters while trying to keep a steady breath. “I’m glad you decided to tell me now than later.”

“We can still stay as friends, you know?” Yoongi quickly says but Kihyun just lightly chuckles. 

“Yeah. Being friends again sounds okay,” the young man mumbles, all the while his heart slowly burns. 

“Kihyun-ah, I’m sorry. I just don’t want to lead you on any further than this. I know this came out sudden and being friends might be hard, but—”

“I said it’s fine, Yoongi. I’ll just… See you later,” Kihyun interrupts immediately and trudges away from where his now ex-boyfriend stands. He couldn’t care looking at the man anymore even though he wants to turn back around and hug him tightly. He wishes that Yoongi would scream out saying this is all a joke to test Kihyun, but the elder said nothing. Not a peep was heard as Kihyun walks away.

_ What a hopeless romantic this had turned out, _ Kihyun thinks in his head once reaching inside his bedroom. 

* * *

It’s been a few days since the break up, yet Kihyun’s heart and mind lives in denial. He stares at his phone, waiting for a text, a call, a  _ something _ from Yoongi. However, there’s no notifications. Kihyun was going crazy and he can feel it.

“You’re not going out?” Jooheon, his young roommate, questions once exiting from the bathroom and spotting his hyung still in his bedroom, the door widely open. 

“Hmm…” Kihyun hums in a low response while scrolling through the heartfelt messages that Yoongi sends him. He wants to smile and laugh again. He yearns for the butterflies soaring in his tummy as well, but now there is nothing to feel. The pain which lingers on within Kihyun is too much, and staring at the old messages just made him shrink more than how he’s feeling.

His morning jogs became slow-paced and feet dragging walks now, and he no longer cared to feed the ducks where he would rest on a bench near a pond. He’s been ignoring his coworkers when working, and finds it hard to focus on his job. His supervisor advises him to go home early on days when Kihyun seems out of it, however the man dejects. He continues his usual shift until it’s time to go home and just crashes on his bed with a heavy heart weighing his entire body down.

It’s a week and a half since the break up, and here sits Kihyun in front of his laptop and webcamming with his best friend, Changkyun, who had went out of country for vacation.

“Hyung! How his my favorite person in the world? Don’t tell me. Yoongi proposed after your charming and perfect month of being together?!” Changkyun excitedly asks, and right then and there, Kihyun breaks into tears. He didn’t have a proper breakdown when Yoongi had broken up with him, and Kihyun promised not to cry because a month’s relationship wasn’t worth crying over. Nonetheless, his heart decided to twist his guts and the pain of losing someone so good like Yoongi himself finally had Kihyun pouring his tears out.

Changkyun had no idea and tried his best to calm down Kihyun before the man goes numb from too much crying. He waits until Kihyun is finished crying and is able to talk. The man then explains on about what happened after Changkyun had left for vacation. Yoongi texted about meeting up instead of having a usual morning breakfast. They met up in a small park in the woods, and Yoongi brought up about breaking up with him. He didn’t say why, and Kihyun didn’t bother to ask. 

Feeling bad for his hyung, Changkyun apologizes for getting worked up about how cute the two were being when he was still in town. Now he’s angry at Yoongi for making his favorite hyung cry, and it’s not even in front of him but behind a screen. Changkyun then promises to take Kihyun out for some delicious ice cream as they do some PC gaming. Kihyun thanks his friend for being there for him even when he’s not here physically, but is thankful for his kind words.

After having the talk with Changkyun, Kihyun’s heart suddenly felt lighter and the later days he began to slowly smile more. He decided to go out more with his roommate and their friends. He became talkative and a loud laughter once more, and Kihyun couldn’t believe he almost had himself go to waste. Why was he so stupid? He even questions himself.

Everything has been turning out great up until Jooheon came home with a movie rental. Kihyun reads the title and is immediately brought back to thinking about Yoongi once more.

“I heard that it’s a good movie, hyung. Have you seen it before?” Jooheon asks when placing the disk inside the dvd player.

“No. A friend told me about it though,” Kihyun swallowed hard when mentioning the word friend. Tch, friend.

Soon as the film ended, Kihyun sits up from the couch and excuses himself to the bathroom to wipe his godly ugly tears. It was such a tearjerker film, how dare Jooheon rent something so stupid. It was entirely so stupid because Kihyun couldn’t stop hearing Yoongi’s voice of which scenes the lad had explained in the parts. When the ending came as well, it ended lightheartedly with a happy ending and Kihyun couldn’t stop hating himself for even liking the movie one bit.

Sitting on his bed while holding his phone, Kihyun heaves a loud sigh. His tears are dried up by now and he’s not shivering from the heavy cry he had done earlier. He’s in his room, just sitting on his bed calmly, and tapping his phone with both thumbs. Without a hesitant, he unlocks the screen and goes to his messages immediately. 

Groaning at himself and tossing his phone on the bed as he lays down as well, Kihyun huffs aloud with his mind and heart arguing at each other nonstop. One says to text Yoongi while the other says don’t, and Kihyun wishes that he never saw that darn film. Besides, he deleted all of his text messages with Yoongi, so that should tell him not to text the man again. Who is Yoongi to take up his space?

_ “Hey Yoongi. I hope you’re doing well. By the way, I watched the film you had recommended a while back when we used to hangout and it was good just like what you’ve said. I really enjoyed it and some parts really made me sad though the comedy saved the tears at the end. Sorry to bother you.”  _ Sent.

Cursing at himself, Kihyun throws his phone on his bed again and pulls the blanket over his head. Suddenly, his phone vibrated back as a message has returned and the man hastily pushes the blanket off of him and grabs the device. Unlocking his phone to read the reply, Kihyun’s heart rushes in joy though he knows he should block it off. Block Min Yoongi from his life. Unfortunately, with his heart pounding with joy, it may not happen.

_ “Hey Kihyun! It’s been a while. I’m doing fine. Also, I knew you would like the movie. I mean, I told myself I was going to cry, however my manly tears slipped out of my eyes and I never thought I’d use so much tissue in one day. By the way, don’t be sorry for anything. You’re not bothering me at all.” _

Kihyun snorts a quiet laughter at Yoongi’s manly tears and quickly responds to the man’s text. 

_ “Tch, manly tears? You never had none of that. You only have regular tears.” _ Sent.

In response, Yoongi threw in some lauging emojis and a question.  _ “How have you truly been, Kihyun?” _

Thinking long and hard about this, Kihyun decides to not worry the man. Maybe he’s happy on his end. Besides, what good will it do if Kihyun tries making Yoongi feel bad? Kihyun doesn’t need the pity and right now, he wouldn’t mind trying to be a friend to Yoongi. At the end of the day, Yoongi is still a funny guy, just weird when it comes to break ups, Kihyun guesses.

_ “Don’t worry about me. I’ve been great since whatever happened. Anyway, I’m still glad we’re friends and I hope you’ve been great as well since then!” _ Sent.

One response to another became a few minutes which turned into hours, and then a few days came up next. Kihyun hadn’t realized that the two were texting back and forth like how they once did back in the days before the entire break up. They were sending memes to each other along with funky Snow filters. It was as though they never dated or broken up, and with this, Kihyun seemed satisfied with.

* * *

 

“You’re happier lately,” Changkyun comments when he comes over with ice cream and comic books. 

Kihyun grins and shrugs his shoulders. “Do I look that happy?” 

Changkyun tsks at his friend and then nudges at his arm. “Who did you meet, huh?”

At the question, Kihyun lowers his head and nervously bites his bottom lip. He looks at Changkyun with a small smile. “Promise not to be mad?”

“Why? Don’t tell me you met your future husband Dean,” the young man jokingly says about the famous RnB singer, and Kihyun chokes a laugh. 

“What? No!” He replies before calming down from the tiny bit of laughter. “Yoongi and I have been texting again.”

Changkyun almost chokes on his ice cream and manages to cough a little to save his life while staring at Kihyun. He gives his hyung a stern look of confusion and anger. 

“What are you thinking?” Changkyun lashes out.

“I know, I know. You probably think I’m crazy and I know I’m crazy too, but we’re just friends. I promise you that!” Kihyun says, trying his best in convincing his young friend. Although, Changkyun isn’t too sure of this outcome.

“They all say they’re friends until something more comes out from it and I don’t know if I’ll like it. I mean, he had you crying in front of me, behind a laptop screen! I wasn’t even here to comfort you during your harsh times,” the young man replies, quickly disapproving of Kihyun and his way of thinking.

Kihyun chews the inside of his right cheek and Changkyun sighs after his stating his opinions. Thinking in silence, his cellphone vibrates due to an incoming text and all thoughts washes away. With a smile drawn on his face, Kihyun takes a look at the device and brushes off his best friend’s words. It’s not as though he’s doing it on purpose but Kihyun can’t quite explain it. Every time Yoongi texts him, a swarm of warmth and happiness surrounds him.

Now ignoring Changkyun who snickers and lowly mumbles with some nagging, Kihyun freezes the moment he sees Yoongi’s text after their multiple greeting and casual texting. It feels as though the entire world has come to a stop when reading the the message.

_ “I have something to tell you and it’s going to come off guard. I’m sorry if it startles you, but I just want to say I miss you.” _

Kihyun can feel tears welling up but he doesn’t feel the damp in his eyes. Are his tears dry? He doesn’t know. However, he feels completely numb. 

All this time during his wait since their sudden break up, Kihyun had wanted Yoongi to say these words. An apology, an  _ I miss you _ , and a  _ let’s get back together _ . Kihyun never thought he’d see Yoongi say  _ I miss you _ first, and it’s almost triggering. 

He looks at Changkyun who’s busying himself with the TV drama being played and quickly responds to Yoongi’s text. 

_ “Are you sure that you miss me?”  _

He has to ask. He needs to be sure that Yoongi does miss him. He needs a clarification just as much as anyone does when something unbelievable is told to him. Kihyun may be going crazy in his mind, but he and his heart needs this.

The phone buzzes again, and Kihyun immediately checks.

_ “Yes, Kihyun, I’m sure that I miss you. I really miss you. I have been missing you since the break up until now. I haven’t been myself lately because I’ve done nothing but think about you.” _

Kihyun questions himself once more. Is this really what he wanted and what he had waited for? Yes and yes. His heart cries although his lips curves into a delightful smile. 

_ “Yoongi…” _ He starts out in the text while his heart somersaults inside his chest.  _ “Can I be honest with you? After the break up, I haven’t been okay. I was always questioning about why you did it and what is wrong with me? I would reread our texts and wonder why you would say the sweetest stuff and suddenly break it off with me the next. I was so confused, hurt, and wondered about. I wanted to be angry at you, but I couldn’t do it. You were such a great person already that I didn’t know how to be angry. My heart told me to forgive you and be your friend if we bumped heads the next time. Sorry for this paragraph of a text, but I guess it is just me telling you that I miss you too.” _

Not a minute or so goes by and Yoongi replies quickly with,  _ “if you’re not busy and it’s okay too, can I come see you? We can take a drive around town and talk as well. I really want to see you.” _

Deciding to not question about the whereabouts of this late night drive, Kihyun agrees to cruise and slips jacket on. Changkyun though, did the questioning about where his hyung is disappearing off to at this time of the night, but Kihyun just tells him to sleepover if it’s too late for him to return back to his place. 

Within five minutes, Yoongi’s car pulls up and Kihyun hops in. Awkwardly with shy smiles, the two greets each other.

“Hi,” they shyly say to one another before Yoongi’s right hand grabs hold of Kihyun’s left hand. Kihyun blushes at the contact right away but doesn’t pull back. He missed this so much—too much, and he makes sure to never let go.

“I’m sorry, Kihyun,” Yoongi begins the conversation first. The younger one eyes at him with a smile still lingering on. 

“Apology accepted,” Kihyun replies and hears a deep chuckle out of the older.

“Seriously though, I’m very sorry. But I really did have a reason when breaking up with you, it’s just I don’t know if you’ll understand. It’s family personal and I don’t know if you would like to stay with me after I tell you what is that I do and what I’m responsible for,” Yoongi says as he squeezes the younger one’s hand.

Kihyun becomes worry but ushers Yoongi to continue on what he’s going to say. “I want to know if you’d let me be with you. I don’t want to linger on with what if’s in the future, because what if we are meant for each other?”

Driving through the brightly lit city night whereas Yoongi takes a route to the beautiful and dark countryside, Yoongi begins his side of the story and again, apologizes for the break up.

“I never tell anyone right away about what it is that I do, because I’ve always thought I’d only be in flings until they tell me they’re in love with me. Well, here I go. Loving me is going to be hard, considering that I’m now the only son left in my family to care for my parents after my oldest brother had passed. I may not seem like a family man, but I love taking care of my family as much as I’d do with anyone who needs help. My father had gotten into an accident after the news of brother’s death, causing our family business to jeopardize and almost bankrupt. My mother and I try our best to take care of him now meanwhile my uncle is taking over the family business. I came to Seoul to find work within music companies, but my father’s words from before his accident always haunted me. Music will never bring money home to feed a family, therefore I’m at a warehouse job with some friends. 

Life was very negative for me, or so I thought. I realized later on that I was negative on myself. I was trying to be selfish and live my life, and cursed at my brother for passing on early. Only did I reflect on myself to accept that I just want the easy way out and do what I want because I was a teen then. I learned to grow, but others didn’t want to grow with me. There’s been a few who had up and left in my life, and I have been afraid that if you knew about my life background, you’d do the same as well.”

Yoongi is still driving and paying attention to the road, and Kihyun feels his heart breaking at the man’s words. He had no idea that Yoongi was living a hard life and trying his best to survive everyday.

“Then you came into my life that Friendsgiving night when Taehyung threw that small get together. After getting to know you and dating you for that short amount of time, my conscious became afraid. You’re so ambitious with a great future and dreams. The way you get excited when talking about traveling the world and where to live in life, I then told myself this is where I shall detach myself. I thought if I let you go, you wouldn’t have to suffer with me in the future if you’d stay. I don’t ever want to be the blame in crushing your own future. You have so much to live for, Kihyun. You don’t want to be stuck with me who has nothing,” Yoongi finishes lastly before parking in a lonesome dark park with the stars and moon being the lights outside.

Kihyun takes a look at the man sitting beside him and tightly squeezes his hand. He then releases his hand to let his fingers brush across Yoongi’s soft locks. They softly smile at each other once Yoongi turns his way. Their eyes are locked together as a pair of sweet lovers and Kihyun doesn’t understand why anyone would leave this man regardless of the responsibility he was forced to grow up to and accept. 

“Yoongi,” Kihyun softly calls out to him. “Why couldn’t you have just told me this from the beginning? It would’ve made more sense on my end. Also, I, being an understanding person, would help and support you in every way I can.”

The older eyes at the younger with soft loving eyes, and grins at his heart touching words.

“Please don’t think for me or think selfishly again about such decision. Whether you think it’s best for you or me, we need to talk first. Communication is key, remember? I’m here for you and I will be more than gladly build a better future together alongside with you if you’ll give me a chance. I am here to stay, Yoongi. I will never leave unless you decide to hurt me by choosing someone else,” Kihyun continues and along the lines adds a light joke at the end to kill the sadden mood. 

Sighing with relief and chuckling too, Yoongi then asks a question which catches Kihyun off guard.

“Can I say I love you or is it too soon?”

“As long as you mean it, you sure can.” 

Driving back home into the night, the reunited lovers sees a beautiful blue-green colored meteor flying across their heads. With haste, Yoongi yells out makes a wish before Kihyun, and shouts, “I wish for Kihyun and I to love each other and be together forever!” 

Staring at his lover in awe, Kihyun never thought his Yoongi would ever be such a sap. They laugh at each other once Yoongi comes to his senses and continues to tell jokes again like once before.

The next morning, Kihyun is woken with his legs tangled in Yoongi’s. He had almost forgot that they had reconciled and is glad it wasn’t a dream but reality. They had settled back inside Kihyun’s bedroom last night after seeing Changkyun knocked out cold in the living room. Kihyun chuckles at the thought of it and snuggles up closer by Yoongi’s neck and kisses it. He feels the older’s arms tightening around his body as they cuddle. 

Unfortunately, the cuddle was broken out when Changkyun screams once opening the door to his hyung’s bedroom. 

“Yah!” The younger one shouts. “Yoo Kihyun!”

Rushing to push out the young man and closing the door shut and locking the door as well, Yoongi and Kihyun breaks into a laughter. Kihyun will explain everything to Changkyun later. For now, he and Yoongi needs to catch up on the cuddles they’ve missed out on in weeks.

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> AND OMFG IT ENDED SO CHEESY. i'm sorry if it still disappoints. i had a lot going on in mind about Yoongi's reason because my boyfriend's reason was really personal that almost sounded as an excuse itself. i didn't want to offend anyone by adding the religion as it could affect people, so i did my best making Yoongi's reason sound reasonable. DON'T KILL ME. thank you for reading!


End file.
